


The Garden of Joy

by Felimid



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:02:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24605107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felimid/pseuds/Felimid
Summary: This is the sequel to my "Good Omens: Lockdown" sequel.  It begins the morning after my previous story.  In a nutshell:  Aziraphale and Crowley are going on a journey across the English Channel; Anathema and Newt are (mostly) staying at the bookshop; Agnes becomes more than just a ghostly head; meanwhile, Adam is guiding his new friend Oreia around Tadfield.At the time I'm writing this summary, I've only written the first three chapters.  I have some ideas about what might happen next and where the story might end up (it has to do with the title).  I'm curious to see if it actually ends up there, or goes somewhere else entirely.  If the latter, hopefully I'll be able to change the title.I hope that I'm learning to write better this time around and that this story is an improvement on the first story.   (And, yes, I still plan to edit the first story, because I think it needs it.)





	1. Chapter 1

(Eurostar train waiting at St. Pancras Station; in a first class compartment, Aziraphale holds out his right hand, looks at the betrothal and wedding rings on his right ring-finger)

Aziraphale: “I can't believe it actually happened. It's like a dream. Too good to be true.”

(Crowley, sitting next to him, stretches out, smiles at Aziraphale)

Crowley: “Oh, it did, angel. I was there, after all, so I should know.”

Aziraphale: “We're married, Crowley. Finally. After six thousand years.”

Crowley: “Could've happened sooner, but you kept throwing excuses into my face. 'We have nothing in common.' 'We're on opposite sides.' And 'Get thee behind me, foul fiend.' To name a few.”

Aziraphale: “Even an angel can be both blind and a fool.”

Crowley: “Not nearly so blind and foolish as Gabriel was.”

(Aziraphale tries not to laugh)

Aziraphale: “How could he possibly have thought that putting us on trial would take the attention away from him and Hastur? Did he really think we were so gullible?”

Crowley: “Don't be so dismissive. It could've turned out just as he'd planned. And we would never have been married.”

(Aziraphale sobers and nods)

Aziraphale: “True. Have you heard from them lately? They haven't called the bookshop at all. Nothing since the wedding outside St. Pancras New Church.”

Crowley: “One postcard. Which promptly burst into flames after I read it.”

(Aziraphale looks excited)

Aziraphale: “Oh? You didn't tell me! What did it say? Don't keep me in suspense, dear.”

Crowley: “ 'We're doing just fine. Liaison work keeps us both very busy. But we manage to spend one day a week together. Last week, I introduced Gabriel to Japanese cuisine. Sushi doesn't interest him, but he does like tempura. This week, he introduced me to Indian cuisine. I'm not sure my taste buds will survive being overdosed with curry. Hope you are all doing well. Write when you can. Love, Hastur and Gabriel.' ”

(Aziraphale smiles happily)

Aziraphale: “I'm so glad. They deserve to be happy too. Especially after all they've been through.”

Crowley: “Think they might get married too?”

Aziraphale: “It's possible. And if they decide to, we could get them a wedding gift.”

Crowley: “Something as silly as theirs?”

Aziraphale: “A blender isn't silly. It's actually quite useful. I use ours to make kombucha smoothies.”

Crowley: “I meant the whoopee cushion. They were both laughing when we opened it.”

(Aziraphale laughs softly)

Aziraphale: “We'll have to think of something even sillier. Maybe we can go see what's available in Paris after we arrive there.”

Crowley: “An exploding cigar?”

(Aziraphale shakes his head)

Aziraphale: “I don't think either of them smoke.”

(the train starts up, gathers speed as it travels southeast across London, heading toward the distant English Channel)

Crowley: “Silly putty? A slinky?”

Aziraphale: “Perhaps not. In any case, we'll have plenty of time to brainstorm while we're in Paris.”

(Crowley turns to Aziraphale, holds his right hand, looking at the two rings on Aziraphale's ring-finger)

Aziraphale: “You could've had two rings too.”

(Crowley shakes his head)

Crowley: “Not much of a fan of jewelry these days. Not like I was back in the 1960s and before. One wedding ring is enough for me.”

(they're both silent for a few minutes)

Aziraphale: “What are you thinking about?”

Crowley: “The wedding outside the church this morning.”

(Aziraphale smiles, remembering it)

Aziraphale: “The priest certainly seemed surprised when I knocked on the church's front doors. 'Good morning. How can I be of service?' And I said, 'We'd like to get married today. Preferably this morning.' The priest looked past me, at you, Anathema, and Newt. 'All four of you?' the priest asked. 'I believe it's still limited to two people at a time.' 'A double wedding,' I said. 'Two couples.' 'Ah!' the priest said. 'In that case, I don't see a problem. Why don't you come inside?' 'I'm afraid that my fiance is a bit claustrophic,' I said, thinking fast. After all, would he believe what you were, much less what I was? 'Could we have the double wedding out here?' 'It's a bit unusual, but I don't see a problem with it,' the priest said. 'After all, people get married on beaches, on mountaintops, and underwater. Let me get my vestments and a Bible.' ”

Crowley: “Is that what you told him I was? Claustrophobic?”

Aziraphale: “Best I could do at that moment. The truth might have been rather overwhelming for him.”

(Crowley thinks about it and nods)

Crowley: “Not that we'd be going back to a church anytime soon, so I guess no harm's done.”

Aziraphale: “The priest came outside with lay readers as witnesses. A few feet from the bottom of the stairs, we stood before them, holding hands, nervous.”

Crowley: “You were. I wasn't. Until yesterday, I'd all but given up hope that you'd ever want to make our relationship more serious than just friendship. And even that friendship had its difficulties over the centuries.”

Aziraphale: “All water under the bridge now. If I may continue?”

(Crowley nods and gestures that the angel do so)

Aziraphale: “Thank you. We gave him our names and he wrote them down on a small sheet of paper. He said a quick prayer and then began the ceremony. 'Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God to join this man to this man, and this man to this woman, in holy matrimony.' What a thrill when I heard those words. I wanted to jump for joy. 'I suppose this is the short version?' the priest asked, and all four of us nodded. 'You must make your vows first,' the priest said. 'Who wants to go first?' 'I do,' I said. 'I, Aziraphale, promise to cherish you always, Crowley. To honor and sustain you. In sickness and in health. In poverty and in wealth. And to be true to you in all things until death alone shall part us.' And then you said your vow.”

Crowley: “ 'I, Crowley, promise to cherish you always, Aziraphale. To honor and sustain you. In sickness and in health. In poverty and in wealth. And to be true to you in all things until death shall part us.' ”

Aziraphale: “Then Anathema and Newt said their vows. The priest then asked us for the wedding rings. We gave them to him. 'This is the ring exchange and declaration of intent,' the priest said. 'He handed one ring to me and another to you. As I slipped your ring onto your ring-finger, I said, 'With this ring, I, Aziraphale, take thee, Crowley, to be your own beautiful self. I will love you as you are. I will trust you in all things. I will respect you. And I will believe in all that you are. For all of Eternity.' And then you said your part.”

Crowley: “I slipped your ring onto your ring-finger, next to your betrothal ring, and said, 'With this ring, I, Crowley, take thee, Aziraphale, to be your own beautiful self. I will love you as you are. I will trust you in all things. I will respect you. And I will believe in all that you are. For all of Eternity.' ”

Aziraphale: “And then Anathema and Newt did the same. The two couples held each other's hands as the priest said, 'By the power vested in me by God and the Church of England, I now pronounce you – husband and husband – and husband and wife. You may kiss now.' And we did. A wonderful, magical, electric kiss. I felt like I was floating. And then we broke and looked deep into each other's eyes and smiled. A moment I shall never forget.”

(Aziraphale wondered if he saw actual tears in Crowley's eyes)

Crowley: “Nor I, angel.”

Aziraphale: “I don't think I've ever seen Anathema and Newt look so happy as they did just then.”

Crowley: “They're going to have a long and happy life together. Just not as long as we will.”

(Aziraphale nods)

Aziraphale: “The price of mortality. Sometimes I wonder if immortality is better than mortality. But then I think of you, and get greedy. I wouldn't just want fifty or sixty years with you, dear. I'd want thousands and thousands of years with you.”

Crowley: “Likewise, angel.”

(the train enters the tunnel that goes under the English Channel; daylight is replaced by darkness and the regular passing of horizontal tunnel lights in the ceiling and the walls; another train can be heard heading in the opposite direction; it should only take about twenty or so minutes to reach France; but about halfway, time seems to slow and then freezes; the train's interior goes dark)

Aziraphale: “That's strange. Nothing is moving, and we're the only two people talking.”

(Crowley stands up, exits the compartment, and snaps his fingers – the nearest lights turn back on – he looks up and down the train-car)

Crowley: “I don't trust this. Unless there are mechanical problems or a fire in the tunnel, the train should stay in motion all the way to the train station in Paris.”

Aziraphale: “Someone with enough power has stopped both time and the train. I don't think it would be the Metatron. Which leaves –”

(Crowley nods)

Crowley: “I didn't think this would happen after our trial ended the way it did. If there were any disagreements between Heaven – och – that wasn't pleasant – and Hell, surely someone would've notified us.”

Aziraphale: “You mean like Gabriel or Hastur.”

(Crowley nods again)

Crowley: “I'm going forward, angel.”

Aziraphale: “Would it be all right if I went with you?”

Crowley: “That's entirely up to you.”

(Aziraphale stands up and they both walk to the front of the train-car, open the door on this side, step over the gap between train-cars, open the next door, and repeat the process until they reach the locomotive; along the way, Crowley snaps his fingers to turn on the lights in the corridors and they see the other passengers frozen in motion, whether sitting, standing, ascending or descending stairways, etc.; the door to the locomotive is locked; Crowley touches the door handle and the door slides open; the train operator turns to look back at them; it's Satan himself, still wearing the train operator's uniform; he doesn't look pleased to see Aziraphale and Crowley, however)

Crowley: “What brings you here? I thought you'd be back in Hell.”

Satan: “You would not believe the mess I had to deal with when I returned there after the trial.”

Crowley: “Didn't you leave someone behind to supervise everything while you were on Earth?”

Satan: “I didn't think I needed to. I expected to be back on the same day. How much could happen in less than a day?”

Crowley: “Plenty can happen. On Earth, terrible disasters don't take long to happen. Planes crash, trains crash, cars crash, storms, quakes. None of them take an entire day. Why should it be any different in Hell?”

(Satan looks furious)

Satan: “Two uprisings. The Resistance's faction and Semyaza's faction. When there hasn't been even one in over five hundred years!”

Aziraphale: “Can't blame them for trying, if they were unhappy with the status quo. After all, there was a War in Heaven. Why couldn't the same happen in Hell?”

Satan: “Because I always stopped them long before any war could start. And then that blasted trial! Forced to stay there until it finished! Unable to even briefly visit Hell! But – that didn't mean I couldn't send someone in my stead. I told Beelzebub to return to Hell, do whatever needed to be done, and report to me as often as possible. He was almost too late.”

Crowley: “From what I heard, he joined the battle where War, War's forces, and Semyaza's forces were fighting. Doesn't sound late at all to me.”

Satan: “War – don't remind me. That female – wrecked everything. There was still the chance that my faction could regain complete control over Hell. And she had to capitulate and leave Hell! Just because of what Semyaza said to her!”

Aziraphale: “It's possible that Semyaza said something that made War change her mind. It also happened three years ago. I believe you were there, so you remember at least a part of it.”

Satan: “You mean when my son – Adam – what a ridiculous name for the Son of Satan! – rejected me and chose his earthly father instead?”

(Aziraphale nods)

Aziraphale: “That day. Armageddon. At Tadfield Airbase. And four children turned the tide, stopped the war from happening, stopped the end of the world. Not everyone wants endless war and carnage. Some are actually in favor of peace. And love.”

Satan: “And you think I won't undo any of it?”

Aziraphale: “You could try – but to what benefit?”

Satan: “Mine!”

Aziraphale: “Perhaps you might want to try some cooperation. A compromise. See if the other two factions would be interested in sharing control of Hell.”

Satan: “Cooperation? Compromise? Share? Are you mad?”

(Aziraphale shakes his head)

Aziraphale: “Merely offering alternatives that you could consider, even if you eventually disagree with them. Or you could discuss this with Gabriel and Hastur and see what they think.”

Satan: “Forcing me to accept an outcome I find distasteful.”

Aziraphale: “It may be the only possible outcome, unless you wish another chance of Hell being destroyed. In which case, you will have nothing to control.”

Satan: “Maybe you should've been the liaison instead of Gabriel.”

(Aziraphale shakes his head, holds Crowley's hand in his)

Aziraphale: “I'm much happier here on Earth. There's nothing you could offer me that could be better.”

(Satan notices the two rings on Aziraphale's ring-finger and the ring on Crowley's ring-finger)

Satan: “Nothing?”

(Aziraphale shakes his head again)

Aziraphale: “Nothing.”

(Satan looks thoughtful – not happy, but thoughtful)

Satan: “I'll have to think about all this. No promises, though.”

Aziraphale: “Just do your best. That's all anyone should ask of you. That's all you should ask of yourself.”

(Satan frowns and then disappears; the train operator stares at them)

Train operator: “Excuse me – what are you doing in here? You're not allowed.”

Crowley: “Our mistake. We were just leaving.”

(the train operator shuts the door after Aziraphale and Crowley leave the locomotive; the train is back in motion and all the interior lights are back on; not long after Aziraphale and Crowley return to their compartment, the train leaves the underwater tunnel and arrives in France; the train races across the countryside, heading south toward Paris)

(the train pulls into the train station in Paris; no one on the train noticed that the train stopped inside the tunnel under the English Channel, except for Aziraphale and Crowley; there are still people with face-masks on, but fewer than they expected to see; maybe Lockdown is being eased here on the Continent)

Aziraphale: “Not quite how I thought our first day of married bliss would be.”

Crowley: “At least it's not any worse.”

Aziraphale: “I should've done this when I was here in 1793.”

Crowley: “Do what?”

Aziraphale: “Get a newspaper.”

(they find a newspaper vendor and buy a copy of Le Figaro, a morning newspaper)

Crowley: “Anything interesting?”

Aziraphale: “The repairs to the roof of Notre Dame Cathedral are still going on. I can only imagine how expensive they've been.”

Crowley: “Remember when it was first completed?”

(Aziraphale nodded)

Aziraphale: “One of the most beautiful Gothic cathedrals in all of France. Only to fall into disrepair by the early 1800s. Victor Hugo wrote his novel about the cathedral partly as a way of warning Parisians that their favorite urban landmark was falling apart.”

Crowley: “Quite the wake-up call.”

Aziraphale: “Indeed. And all without the aid of a telephone.”

Crowley: “What else is in the newspaper?”

Aziraphale: “Lockdown is being eased and businesses and schools are slowly reopening. I'm not sure that they would've approved of what happened the last two days in London and Glastonbury.”

Crowley: “That's assuming that they'd believe what happened.”

Aziraphale: “True.”

(Aziraphale re-folds the newspaper, and rolls it up)

Crowley: “What if I tempted you with some lunch?”

(Aziraphale smiles)

Aziraphale: “Temptation accomplished. Perhaps on the Left Bank?”

Crowley: “You've been here more often than I have.”

Aziraphale: “You were in Paris before. Same year I was. 1793.”

Crowley: “Only to the Bastille. To save you from getting beheaded. All because you wanted some crepes.”

Aziraphale: “An angel is allowed to get peckish.”

Crowley: “During the Reign of Terror?”

(Aziraphale sighs)

Aziraphale: “If it will end this argument, I will admit to some poor timing on my part. But the crepes are worth any effort. You can't get any decent ones anywhere but here in Paris.”

Crowley: “So you said back then.”

Aziraphale: “And it still holds true.”

Crowley: “I wish I'd driven us here, but I didn't want you to complain about my driving.”

Aziraphale: “For which I thank you.”

Crowley: “You're welcome. We need a cab, then.”

Aziraphale: “Should be some outside the front entrance of this train station.”

(and there were; they take a cab from the train station toward the river, across it, and onto the Left Bank; the streets and cafes aren't quite as busy as they were before the virus outbreak and the Lockdown; they choose one of the cafes not far from Montparnasse; the waiter shows them to a table on the sidewalk; they sit down next to each other, facing the street)

Waiter: “Things are improving, monsieurs. Perhaps one day you will see the City of Light as she used to be! Busy! Vibrant! In love with life!”

Aziraphale: “Actually we've been here before, garcon. Just not in a long time.”

Waiter: “Ah, then I welcome you both back to Paris. To celebrate your return, what would you like to order?”

Aziraphale: “A selection of crepes. One of each kind. And a bottle of your best white wine.”

Waiter: “Oui, monsieur.” (he turns to Crowley) “Et vous, monsieur?”

Crowley: “We're sharing.”

Waiter: “Mais oui, monsieur. I will bring the wine first. The crepes will be along shortly.”

(the waiter goes back inside the cafe)

Aziraphale: “Maybe the next time we could will be in April. April in Paris is a magical time.”

(Crowley smiles at him)

Crowley: “It seems pretty magical no matter what time you're here.”

(Aziraphale smiles back)

Aziraphale: “I sit corrected.”

(the waiter returns with the wine bottle and two wine glasses; he carefully pours half a glass-full for both Aziraphale and Crowley; then the waiter places the wine bottle near the center of the table)

(Aziraphale takes a sip of the wine, smiles with pleasure)

Aziraphale: “Magnifique! Even better than I remembered.”

(Crowley takes a sip of the wine and agrees with Aziraphale's assessment)

Crowley: “Where would you like to see first?”

Aziraphale: “Well, we should get a hotel room first. And then we can play tourist. Any suggestions for the hotel?”

Crowley: “The Georges Cinq?”

(Aziraphale's eyebrows rise)

Aziraphale: “An excellent choice. But can we afford it?”

Crowley: “It's our honeymoon. Let's splurge. We can always start discussing a monthly budget when we get back to London.”

Aziraphale: “London. I find I'm already missing my bookshop.”

Crowley: “There are bookshops in Paris. Especially here on the Left Bank.”

(Aziraphale nods)

Aziraphale: “Maybe I can purchase some books while we're here and have them shipped back to London. My foreign language section has been a bit sparse for a while now. Some French literature would spruce it up quite nicely.”

(Aziraphale notices the preoccupied look on Crowley's face)

Aziraphale: “Is there a problem, dear?”

Crowley: “Just thinking about our conversation with Satan on the train, angel. Surely that couldn't have been coincidental. Or simply because he wanted to chat with us.”

Aziraphale: “Do we have to be suspicious of everything he does?”

Crowley: “I don't like how he just casually interrupted our journey to Paris. He has to have had other reasons for doing it.”

Aziraphale: “And you would like to find out what he's up to.”

(Crowley nods)

Crowley: “If it doesn't interfere with our honeymoon too much.”

Aziraphale: “I could always try to contact the Metatron.”

Crowley: “Maybe it's better if we don't.”

Aziraphale: “Oh?”

(Crowley briefly points at something crouching on a doorstep of a shop across the street from the cafe; whatever it is, it's shorter than they are; its wings are tucked onto its back)

Aziraphale: “Is that what I think it is?”

Crowley: “If you mean, is that a gargoyle? Yes, it is.”

Aziraphale: “But what is it doing there?”

Crowley: “Keeping an eye on us?”

(the gargoyle gestures to them, pointing at itself)

Aziraphale: “Both of us, or just one of us?”

Crowley: “To be on the safe side, both of us.”

(they stand up; Crowley pays for the wine and food, adds a tip twice the normal amount; they cross the street and head over to the gargoyle)

Crowley: “You shouldn't be out in the open in daylight. Someone might see you. Besides us, I mean.”

Gargoyle: “I came to fetch you. Someone wants to meet you. At the cathedral.”

Aziraphale: “Sacre Coeur?”

Gargoyle: “Notre Dame.”

Aziraphale: “Are you sure it's safe to? After all, they're still rebuilding its ceiling.”

Gargoyle: “We aren't going inside.”

(Crowley's mobile phone rings; the gargoyle frowns)

Gargoyle: “What is making that irritating noise?”

Crowley: “My mobile phone. Mind if I answer it?”

Gargoyle: “Is it absolutely necessary?”

(Crowley's mobile phone stops ringing)

Crowley: “Oh, never mind. It's gone to voicemail. I'll listen to the message later and see who called.”

Gargoyle: “You and your modern gadgets. We had nothing like that in my time.”

Crowley: “The world moved on. You can't expect the 14th Century to last forever.”

Gargoyle: “Who says I liked it back then? Maybe I like another century better.”

Aziraphale: “Perhaps you two could continue arguing after we arrive at Notre Dame?”

(the gargoyle and Crowley frown at each other)

Gargoyle and Crowley: “Fine.”


	2. Chapter 2

Newt: “This is such a fascinating bookshop, Anathema. I can see why Aziraphale enjoys being here. It definitely suits him. Rotary-dial phone. Amstrad computer that's over thirty years old. Cash register from the 1920s. More like a museum, really.”

Anathema: “We're only bookshop-sitting for him. Any changes have to be decided by and implemented by Aziraphale.”

Newt: “I wasn't suggesting any changes. Just that it's an accurate reflection of its owner. For instance, if there was a mobile phone instead of this old-fashioned phone, I'd probably be shocked.”

(Newt's right hand is only a few inches above the phone when it rings)

Newt: “Should I answer it?”

Anathema: “It would be the polite thing to do.”

(the phone rings again)

Newt: “Pretend that I'm Aziraphale?”

Anathema: “Newt – just say it's his bookshop and ask if you can help them. Or I can do it.”

Newt: “No, no. It's all right.”

(Newt picks up the phone's receiver before it rings a third time)

Newt: “Hullo? A.Z. Fell & Co. Bookshop. How can I help you?”

Unknown female voice: “Is the owner there?”

Newt: “I'm afraid Aziraphale is out and about. Not sure when he'll return. Is there something I can do for you in the meantime?”

Unknown female voice: “Perhaps. One moment while I transfer to where you are.”

(worms begin to ooze out of the phone's receiver and pours down onto the floor; in moments, the worms disappear and Lilith stands there, more thin than slender, wearing a long black dress with short sleeves, bare hands and feet, black eyes; Newt hangs up the phone receiver)

Lilith: “Not my usual travel method. But circumstances forced me to choose a faster and more direct route. My name is Lilith.”

Anathema: “I've heard of you. Seducer of Adam.”

Lilith: “The one and only.”

Anathema: “And what circumstances are you in, that you need to speak with Aziraphale?”

(Lilith looks around herself)

Lilith: “Nice place.”

Anathema: “You didn't answer my question.”

Lilith: “Impatient, aren't we?”

Anathema: “You're the one who said you were in a hurry.”

Lilith: “I need help.”

Anathema: “You can't find any in Hell?”

Lilith: “Hell is in a state of flux right now. Three factions sharing control. Rebuilding. Restoring the ecosystem. Everyone's very busy, and probably will be that way for quite some time. No matter who I ask, they tell me to leave them alone, come back some other time. Preferably in a year or two. If not longer.”

(Lilith reaches for a book on a nearby bookshelf; the book floats toward her; Anathema intercepts the book and puts it back on its shelf)

Anathema: “What sort of help do you need?”

(Lilith sighs)

Lilith: “A book. I thought he might know where it might be found.”

Anathema: “Maybe I can find it for you. What is the book's title?”

Lilith: “ 'The Wisdom of Solomon'.”

Newt: “Isn't that one of the Books of the Apocrypha?”

(Lilith nods)

Anathema: “And your interest in the book? Purely academic?”

Lilith: “Solomon hid a personal item in his book. His ring.”

Anathema: “Why do you want the ring?”

(Lilith hesitates)

Anathema: “It wouldn't take much to upset the balance of power in Hell. Would the ring suffice?”

Lilith: “You're very perceptive.”

Anathema: “You're very obvious.”

Lilith: “Then I suppose the answer is no?”

Anathema: “Correct. No, I won't try to find it for you. Even if I knew where it was, I wouldn't tell you. We're on opposite sides. Your faction wants power and control. I want peace and stability. And the same would be true for Aziraphale.”

(Lilith looks disappointed)

Lilith: “I told Lucifer that this was pointless. But he insisted I try anyway.”

Anathema: “Then tell him that he'll have to find some other way to regain total control of Hell.”

Lilith: “He won't be happy to hear that.”

Anathema: “Not my problem.”

Lilith: “I suppose not. Until next we meet.”

(Lilith disappears)

Anathema: “I don't trust her.”

Newt: “Maybe we should report this.”

Anathema: “To whom, though?”

Newt: “Aziraphale. He needs to know that she was here and why.”

(Anathema doesn't look happy, but nods agreement; she goes to where Newt is, picks up the phone receiver and dials Crowley's mobile phone number; it rings twice and then goes into voicemail)

Crowley's voice: “This is Crowley. I'm away from the phone. Leave your message at the beep and I might get back to you.”

Anathema: “Crowley, this is Anathema Pulsifer. We've had an interesting visitor. Call me back as soon as you can.”

(Anathema hangs up the phone receiver)

Anathema: “Blast it. Why would he have to be away from his mobile phone at a time like this?”

Newt: “It's their honeymoon. They wanted to spend it in Paris.”

(Newt puts his arms around Anathema; she does the same to him)

Newt: “Technically we're on our honeymoon, too. Though I didn't expect to spend it in a bookshop.”

(Anathema nods)

Anathema: “When they get back, we can go on ours. For real.”

(Newt smiles)

Newt: “I'm already looking forward to it.”

(Anathema smiles back)

Anathema: “So am I. Why don't we start brainstorming places we'd like to visit? They don't have to be in England. They can be on the Continent. They could even be in America.”

Newt: “You used to live in America.”

Anathema: “I was born there. Lived in Los Angeles with my parents when I was eleven years old.”

(Anathema laughs softly)

Anathema: “I remember using crayons to color on the title page of Agnes Nutter's book. And asking my mother why I was mentioned in it.”

Newt: “You've always been curious.”

(Anathema nods; the phone rings; she picks up the phone's receiver)

Anathema: “Hullo? A.Z. Fell & Co. Bookshop. What can I do for you?”

Crowley: “It's Crowley. You needed to speak with me urgently?”

Anathema: “Yes, I did. About a visitor to the bookshop. She just left a few minutes ago.”

Crowley: “Anyone I know?”

Anathema: “She said her name was Lilith.”

(silence on the phone)

Anathema: “Crowley?”

Crowley: “What did she want?”

Anathema: “Help finding a book. One of the Books of the Apocrypha.”

Crowley: “Which one?”

Anathema: “ 'The Wisdom of Solomon.' ”

Crowley: “One moment. I need to ask Aziraphale something.”

(silence on the phone; it's being muffled by Crowley on his end; then Aziraphale's voice can be heard)

Aziraphale: “She's heard about the ring, I suppose?”

Anathema: “Yes.”

Aziraphale: “And thinks that it might be just enough to tip the control of Hell in favor of herself?”

Anathema: “Not herself. Lucifer.”

(more silence; muffled again, this time by Aziraphale; then Crowley speaks)

Crowley: “She'll probably try again. Lucifer isn't the type to take no for an answer.”

Anathema: “But how do we keep her out of the bookshop? This time she just flowed out of the phone's receiver. What if she decides to use a more direct method? Like attacking the bookshop itself?”

(still more silence; muffled a third time, this time by Crowley; then Aziraphale speaks)

Aziraphale: “There is a book of magical defenses in the bookshop. It's on a shelf of the bookcase near the table. 'Defending Yourself in a Magical World'.”

Anathema: “I'll find it. Then what?”

Aziraphale: “See which magical defense or defenses would be most effective. Hopefully she won't try to set fire to the bookshop.”

Anathema: “Small comfort. Do I need any ingredients for the defenses?”

Aziraphale: “You might. The book will tell you. There's even an index in the back, if you need it. Do be careful, though. Some of the defenses might be stronger than the bookshop could withstand.”

Anathema: “I'll be careful. Thank you, Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale: “You're welcome. Do keep us informed. We'll try to check voicemail at least once an hour.”

Anathema: “Hope you're having fun in Paris.”

Aziraphale: “It's been … interesting. Tell you about it later. Ta-ta.”

(Anathema hangs up the phone's receiver)

Newt: “Good news, I hope?”

Anathema: “We need a book.”

Newt: “Plenty to choose from. It's a bookshop, after all.”

(Anathema goes over to the bookcase near the table; Newt joins her there; she checks each shelf, and finds the book Aziraphale mentioned on the fourth shelf; she opens it to the title page)

Anathema: “Here we go. 'Defending Yourself in a Magical World'. Written by Maggie Spellman and published in … 1906 … in San Francisco.”

Newt: “Have you heard of it before?”

(Anathema shakes her head; when she tries to turn the title page to the page after it, her hand fades from view; she removes her hand from the book, and her hand is solid again)

Anathema: “Apparently it also knows how to defend itself. I can't turn the pages beyond the title page.”

Newt: “That's rather inconvenient.”

Anathema: “To say the least. I need to find a way to convince the book to trust me.”

Newt: “But books are inanimate.”

Anathema: “Almost all books are. There are exceptions. Like this one. I just wish that Aziraphale had warned me. Perhaps he thought, since I'm a witch, I would know how to deal with it.”

Newt: “Do you?”

(Anathema doesn't answer him; instead, she takes the book over to the table; as soon as the book is on the table, it hisses at her and closes its cover; now she can't open it at all)

Anathema: “Well, that was just rude. I thought we were going to be friends.”

Newt: “Maybe it doesn't want to be friends. Maybe it thinks you hate books.”

Anathema: “It doesn't know me very well, then. All right, book. Time to get better acquainted with me.”

Newt: “And vice versa.”

(Anathema nods)

Anathema: “And vice versa.”

Newt: “Maybe it's hungry? But if it is … what do you feed a hungry book?”

(Anathema looks thoughtful, then nods)

Anathema: “Well, of course. You feed it words and ideas. But – what sort of words and ideas would a magical defense book be hungry for?”

Newt: “Something that it doesn't anything about?”

Anathema: “Easier said than done with a book that doesn't want us to open it.”

(idly, Anathema flips the book over; it doesn't seem too happy about that; but it only growls a little; on the back cover of the book is a table of contents)

Anathema: “Oh, good. Someone at the print shop was thinking ahead.” (she reads the chapter headings aloud) “ 'History of Magical Defenses.' Hmm. I wonder when the first magical defense was invented and used. Maybe in Ancient Egypt? 'Necessary Preparations.' That probably explains what ingredients you'll need. 'Precautions.' In case of mistakes? Not exactly encouraging. 'Spells and Cantrips.' That sounds more like Agnes Nutter's specialty rather than mine.”

Newt: “You're a witch. Don't you already know some spells?”

Anathema: “More of an occultist than a witch. I told you that the day we first met.”

Newt: “Right. I guess I forgot.”

Anathema: “For instance, I've never owned a magic wand. But I do have a dowser's wand. Useful for finding hidden things.”

Newt: “Got it.”

Anathema: “Back to the book, though. 'Rituals and prayers.' Aziraphale would probably know all about those. 'Charms and Amulets.' Sounds vaguely Medieval and probably not much use nowadays, but I suppose it can't hurt to know about them as well. 'Summoning a Magical Beast for Protection.' Not a witch's familiar, I'd imagine, but it would depend on what you needed just then. I wonder what sorts of magical beasts can be summoned and how to keep them from running wild and causing problems. After all, I wouldn't want to have to explain to a police officer what a dragon was doing in my backyard, tearing up the shrubbery, and setting fire to trees and gardens. And now we get to the last chapter: 'When All Else Fails.' ”

Newt: “That's not exactly encouraging.”

Anathema: “I suppose if one had to face Armageddon again and none of the other defenses worked, It would be nice to know that there's a backup plan. Rather like when I wrote Agnes Nutter's nice and accurate prophecies onto note-cards, only to later lose her book.”

(the book seems to want to be flipped over so that it's front cover is face-up, but Anathema keeps it face-down)

Anathema: “Not just yet. I need something to distract you so that I can open you and find the information I need. Unless, of course, you're willing to trust me and let me read you.”

(the book moves side-to-side, as if it were shaking its nonexistent head)

Anathema: “I didn't think so. One more look at your back cover.”

(Anathema reads past the table of contents and sees a line of tiny print; Aziraphale has a magnifying glass on his desk; she uses it to to enlarge the tiny print to readable size)

Anathema: “ 'Caution: This book was written by a warlock and does not like to be handled by witches. You have been warned.' ” (she looks mildly amused) “That explains its dislike of me.” (she reads the rest of the tiny print) “ 'If you can prove that you are trustworthy, the book will open to you.' No kidding. 'Threaten it, and it will never open to you. There is a demon at the heart of the book and she doesn't take kindly to those who attack the book.' ”

Newt: “But how did the writer manage to make the demon become part of the book?”

Anathema: “From the sounds of it, it probably wasn't easy. 'Prove that you are trustworthy.' So – you aren't hungry, book. You just don't know me and sensibly you don't trust strangers. You can probably tell I'm the descendant of a long line of witches, going back to Agnes Nutter.”

(then Anathema has an idea; she goes to the bread box in the kitchen and opens it; Agnes' ghostly head floats out of the bread box)

Agnes: “First you burn my book. Then you burn my pamphlet. But you still come to me for help?”

Anathema: “I need to open a magical defenses book. I managed to open it just long enough to read its title page, and then it closed up.”

(Agnes nods)

Agnes: “It needs to know it can trust you.”

Anathema: “Exactly.”

Agnes: “And you want to know how to persuade it.”

(Anathema nods)

Agnes: “Why should I help you after what you did to my book and pamphlet? You want to be left to your own devices and proceed through life in total ignorance, so be it. Don't say you weren't warned.”

Anathema: “Maybe I can find you something that you need. Let that be the payment for your help.”

Agnes: “What could I possibly need? I'm a ghostly head. What I need is the peace of the grave.”

(Anathema smiles)

Anathema: “What you need is a new body. Like when Madame Tracey and Aziraphale shared her body.”

Agnes: “Their arrangement was only temporary.”

Anathema: “So we need to find you something permanent. A body that's empty and ready to be occupied.”

Agnes: “And where – pray tell – are you going to find that?”

Newt: “Hospital morgues. Accident-prone traffic zones.”

Agnes: “And someone is just going to let me take over their freshly dead body, without any complaint, without any resistance? I find that hard to believe.”

Anathema: “Do you have a better idea, Agnes?”

Newt: “She probably does. Just give her a pen and a piece of paper.”

Agnes: “Not a bad idea. Not a bad idea at all.”

(the phone rings)

Anathema: “That had better not be Lilith again.”

(Anathema lets it ring again and picks up the phone; a familiar male voice speaks, sounding very unhappy)

Male voice: “It's the worst day of my life. The love of my life. She's gone, she's gone!”

(the male voice sounds like he's weeping)

Anathema: “Mr. Shadwell?”

Male voice: “Aye, lass. It's me.”

Anathema: “Who's gone?”

Shadwell: “Madame Tracey. She's usually up early. Long before I am. But this morning she stayed in bed. I thought to myself, 'I reckon that this isn't normal. Just wake her up gently. Maybe she's tired. After all, neither of us is exactly young anymore.' And I gently shook her. She didn't move. I gently shook her again. And she still didn't move.”

Anathema: “Did you call the local hospital for help?”

Shadwell: “It wouldna done much good, lass. She weren't breathing. I checked. And there's no pulse.”

(Anathema thinks fast)

Anathema: “Would it be all right if I came over?”

Shadwell: “But what could you do? She's gone!”

Anathema: “I'm an occultist. Maybe I can contact her spirit.”

Shadwell: “You think so?”

Anathema: “I can at least try. But I'll need to do it there.”

(Shadwell sighs)

Shadwell: “Then I suppose you might as well come.”

Anathema: “I'll be there as soon as I can.”

(Anathema hangs up the phone and turns to Newt and Agnes' ghostly head)

Anathema: “We'll need to lock up the bookshop for the day. We're going to Madame Tracey's apartment.”

Agnes: “If you think that false fortune teller can help you, you're daft.”

Anathema: “Newt – grab Agnes' bread box. If you don't mind, we're going in your car.”

Newt: “Then I'm also going?”

Anathema: “Of course. You're driving.”

(they drive over to the apartment building where Madame Tracey lived and where Shadwell still lives; Shadwell lets them come inside and shuts the door behind them)

Shadwell: “I'll show you where her bedroom is.”

(he leads them there; Madame Tracey is lying on her side, eyes closed, smiling, as if she were having a pleasant dream)

Shadwell: “All these years we've bin togither and I niver thought anything would happen to her.”

(he notices that Newt is carrying Agnes' bread box and gives it a puzzled look)

Shadwell: “Why'd you bring that along? What good would it do here?”

Anathema: “More than it might seem possible to. Open the bread box, Newt.”

(Newt does so; Agnes' ghostly head floats out; Shadwell stares at her)

Shadwell: “I'll not have you here, ghost or witch or whatever you are now. Get out!”

Agnes: “You have no power over me.”

(Shadwell lifts his right forefinger)

Shadwell: “I've got this! It discorporated that southern pansy. Think what it could do to you!”

(Agnes rolls her eyes and speaks to Anathema)

Agnes: “Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?”

(Anathema nods)

Anathema: “Your payment. I help you and in return you help me.”

(Agnes' ghostly head floats close to Madame Tracey's face)

Agnes: “Not much of a face.”

Shadwell: “It's a fine face, you harlot! It's face of the woman I loved!”

Agnes: “I guess it'll have to do, then.”

(Agnes' ghostly head fades from view as it enters Madame Tracey's head; at first, nothing else happens; then Madame Tracey starts twitching, as if she was having a seizure; and then her eyes open and she looks around herself; Agnes speaks with Madame Tracey's voice, but it sounds deeper than usual)

Agnes: “I've never done anything like this before. I didn't think it was possible.”

(Shadwell stares at her)

Shadwell: “Eh? You think you can possess the woman I loved, you foul demon?”

Agnes: “No possession. Her spirit had already left her body. Her body was empty. But now it belongs tome. And I wasn't a demon. I was a ghost.”

Shadwell: “You get out of there! It dinna belong to you! It was hers! Hers!”

Agnes: “She didn't need it anymore. Another hour and this might not have been possible.”

Anathema: “Is everything all right on the inside?”

Agnes: “A little unfamiliar at first, but I'm getting used to it.” (her voice stays in a deeper range than Madame Tracey's had been) “If only I could see the expression on Thou-shalt-not-commit-adultery Pulsifer's face. He thought that burning me at the stake would rid him – and the world – of me.”

Shadwell: “How could you do that to her? Oh, my love, my love. How can you possibly be gone?”

(Shadwell weeps)

Agnes: “We all have to move on someday. Some of us sooner than we expected to. I hope Death doesn't mind.”

(as if called, Death appears in the bedroom's doorway)

Death: “I came as soon as I could. But apparently my services are no longer required here. May you enjoy your new mortal life, Agnes Nutter. And when the day comes, I promise that I will be there for you.”

Agnes: “I'll be waiting, Death. Like I was on the day I was burnt at the stake.”

(Death nods, leaves the house, gets on his motorbike, and rides away)

Agnes: “Well – that's that.”

Shadwell: “Shameless strumpet. You take the body of my love and leave me with nothing.”

Agnes: “I could stay here.”

(Shadwell stares at her, as if horrified)

Shadwell: “Stay? After all you've done?”

Agnes: “Or I could go back to my cottage. The choice is yours.”

Anathema: “At least you wouldn't be alone, Mr. Shadwell.”

Shadwell: “True. But it would be like living with a walking corpse. I dinna think I could adjust to that.”

(Agnes gets out of bed and walks over to him; she gently lays one hand against his cheek)

Agnes: “I'm sorry for the pain of your loss. I wish I knew how to soothe your pain.”

Shadwell: “Give me time to grieve first, woman.”

(Agnes nods)

Shadwell: “And then I'll decide what to do next, whether by myself, or with you.”

Agnes: “In the meantime?”

Shadwell: “I'll stay in my apartment, if you plan on staying here.”

Agnes: “I haven't had a real home in a very very very long time. I'd like to stay here.”

(Agnes turns to Anathema)

Agnes: “My thanks. Now for your payment. Did you bring the book with you?”

(Anathema shakes her head)

Anathema: “It's back at the bookshop.”

Agnes: “Then I'll write down what to do. Have no fear. It won't be in the form of a prophecy.”

(Agnes finds a sheet of paper and a pen; she writes down the instructions and hands the sheet of paper to Anathema; Anathema folds it and puts it in her purse)

Agnes: “When you return to London, please let the others know what's happened here.”

Anathema: “I will.”

Newt: “And what about your bread box, Agnes?”

Agnes: “You can keep it if you like. Or I can use it here.”

(Newt gives the bread box to Agnes)

Newt: “Use it well.”

Agnes: “I shall, Mr. Pulsifer.”

Anathema: “Maybe we'd better leave now.”

Agnes: “Travel safe. Until next we meet.”

(Anathema and Newt nod, and then leave the house; before they get into Newt's car, Newt speaks)

Newt: “I hope Agnes knows what she's doing.”

(Anathema nods)

Anathema: “She always does. At least he won't be bored.”

(they get into the car and drive back to the bookshop)


	3. Chapter 3

(Adam Young is sitting at the dining room table, working on his homework; there are textbooks and notebooks nearby; one of the textbooks is open, as is one of the notebooks; he's talking to himself as he writes in the notebook; Oreia is sitting across the table from him, reading a book; every so often, she looks at what he's writing, even though it's upside-down to her)

Adam: “The History of Notre Dame Cathedral. Located on an island in Paris. It took eight centuries to build it. And just minutes for the recent fire to cause the cathedral's ceiling to crash to the floor. It might take another five or ten years – or maybe longer – to repair all the damage. They could've been more careful.”

Oreia: “Rather like the Ottomans storing ammunition in the Parthenon on the Athenian acropolis. They didn't care if it damaged the place it was stored in. Had someone suggested that they store ammunition inside the Haggia Sophia in Istanbul, I think they would've been horrified. But the Parthenon meant nothing to them.”

Adam: “People really should have more respect for other people's property.”

(Oreia nods agreement)

Oreia: “Do you have to write the entire report today? Or could we go bike-riding? I'd like to practice some more. And since you know the area so well, you could show me around.”

Adam: “If I do, we can't stay out long. I really do have to get this report written. Otherwise, I'll have to turn it in late, and you know how my dad will react if that happens.”

Oreia: “Come on, then. It's a beautiful day outside. I'll help you with the report after we return.”

(they leave the house, get on their bikes, and ride down the street; Dog joins them, happily running alongside them, barking from time to time)

Oreia: “It's such a beautiful, quiet village. Are there other villages like this?”

Adam: “Not many. Too many either get flooded with tourists or a motorway is built near them or car parks are added. It makes them ugly. I wish they could all be like Tadfield.”

Oreia: “I wouldn't wish too hard. You can still change things simply by wanting to change them.”

Adam: “Oh, I know. I have to be careful. I remember changing a bully's bike's wheels from round to square. He almost fell off and hurt himself.”

(Oreia tries not to laugh)

Oreia: “I wish I could've seen that. Bullies do think nothing bad will ever happen to them.”

(they ride up to the Tadfield Conference and Management Training Center)

Adam: “This used to be a convent. I was born there.”

Oreia: “What happened to it?”

Adam: “There was a huge fire one night. Burned down most of the convent. They rebuilt the ground floor and then converted into the center. One of the nuns still works there, though she's not a nun anymore. They sometimes have paintball battles here.”

(Oreia looks puzzled)

Oreia: “Paintball?”

Adam: “Nonlethal. Like having a pretend battle. That way no one gets hurt.”

Oreia: “And people enjoy this sort of thing?”

(Adam nods; a paintball goes sailing over their heads a moment later)

Adam: “I guess they're having another one today. Better get out of range.”

(they ride away from the center)

Adam: “There are two schools. I go to one of them. Preparation for going to university. And then there's Norton Polytechnic where my friend Pepper's mother works.”

Oreia: “What else?”

Adam: “There's a great hamburger stand in the village. They make the best hamburgers in the whole world. We could have lunch there.”

Oreia: “I've never had a – what did you call it?”

Adam: “Hamburger. It's actually beef, not ham. The beef comes from cows.”

Oreia: “I'll try one and see if I like it. But no promises. How far is it?”

Adam: “Just a few minutes away. And they even have a bike rack outside. That's where you park your bike when you don't need it.”

(they arrive at the hamburger stand, order their food and shakes, and then eat at one of the outside tables, the umbrella above the table provides shade; they take turns, eating and talking; Adam covertly gives Dog some of his hamburger under the table)

Adam: “No more, Dog. You've had enough for now. There's plenty food for you at home.”

Oreia: “I like it here, Adam. I really do.”

Adam: “Tadfield is the best. I don't know what I'm going to do when it's time to go to university. I know I'll miss being here.”

Oreia: “You could always come back after university.”

Adam: “I'll definitely come back in the Summer, between each year. Unless I need to get an internship of some kind. Dad will probably fuss at me to do that. He doesn't believe in wasting Summer vacation when you could be doing something practical and useful with the time.”

Oreia: “Your parents are so different from each other.”

Adam: “Yeah, but I couldn't imagine better ones. When I hear about Brian's and Pepper's, it makes me so glad I have the mum and dad I have.”

Oreia: “They were definitely very generous in letting me borrow the guest bedroom last night. But I wonder what they would say if I said I wanted to stay longer. Until you go to university, I mean.”

Adam: “They'll probably be okay with it. They didn't mind when I had slumber parties and invited Brian and Pepper to stay overnight.”

Oreia: “I think with children who aren't adolescents yet, no one thinks there might be any problems. But as you get older, the rules get a little different and sometimes they get in the way. Your parents think they're doing what they think is best for you and you might not always agree with them.”

Adam: “Is that how it was with you?”

Oreia: “Demon children are raised differently than humans are. We still get educated, but there are additional things we have to learn. How to shape-shift. How to – interrelate – with other species.”

Adam: “What sort of shapes do you get to change into?”

Oreia: “Almost anything, really. As long as it's alive. Can't change into a door, or a table, or a bed, or a car.”

Adam: “Do you think you could show me one day?”

Oreia: “I could show you right now.” (she looks around them) “I don't think anyone is watching, so it should be safe enough.” (she changes into a cat, then a dog, then a bird, then a snake, and then back to her human shape)

Adam: “Cool! I wish I could do that.”

Oreia: “Maybe it's better that you can't.”

(Adam shrugs)

Adam: “Maybe. But it would be cool if we could both change shapes. We could do all sorts of stuff and no one would know it was us.”

(Oreia smiles and shakes her head)

Oreia: “You may be an adolescent, but there's still much of the little kid in you.”

Adam: “I wish it could stay inside me as I get older. But it probably won't.”

Oreia: “It's not as big a loss as you think it'll be. There will be so many new things that you'll learn how to do. And not just in school. You might even learn how to drive a car someday.”

Adam: “Cars are okay, but I prefer bikes.”

(they finish their meal and put what can be recycled into the recycle bin, and the rest goes into the trash bin; Dog follows them to the bike rack)

Adam: “So – where do you want to go next? I think we still have a little time before we have to go back home. We could ride past Anathema's house. Then there's the church. We even have our own local newspaper, the Tadfield Advertiser. And there's the park along the river.”

Oreia: “The park sounds good. Is it nice there?”

Adam: “It's okay. I used to go there with Brian and Pepper when we were little. We haven't been there in a few years. There used to be a playground, a picnic area, and trees to climb. I wish I'd ”

Oreia: “If you don't want to go there, we can head back home.”

(Adam looks uncomfortable)

Oreia: “Is there something wrong?”

Adam: “It's Pepper. I know she and Brian are dating. A little, anyway. But she's never happy when she sees us together.”

Oreia: “Maybe you should introduce us to each other. We could get to know each other. That might make things better.”

Adam: “Maybe.”

Oreia: “Do you like her?”

(Adam crouches down so that he can pet Dog more easily)

Adam: “I think I used to. But not after I met you.”

Oreia: “And how does she feel towards you? Does she like you?”

Adam: “I think so. I don't know. Maybe.”

Oreia: “Maybe it isn't because she's unhappy, Adam.”

Adam: “What, then?”

Oreia: “I think she's jealous.”

(Adam's eyes widen)

Adam: “Of who?”

Oreia: “Of me.”

Adam: “Why would she be jealous?”

(Oreia thinks: Not so blind as cannot see.)

Oreia: “I think we should go see her.”

Adam: “Her house isn't far from mine.”

Oreia: “Maybe I can repair some fences.”

Adam: “But their fences are just fine.”

Oreia: “Not literally fences. Lead the way and I'll follow.”

(Adam nods and does so)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do hope this rather long chapter makes sense. It wasn't easy writing it. I drafted it and re-drafted and re-drafted it. Hope that it reads better now. I don't think I've written such a complicated chapter in my entire life.

Gargoyle: “Do you have transport that could convey us to the cathedral?”

Crowley: “Not at the moment. But I could have it sent here.”

Aziraphale: “I don't think that that's a good idea.”

Crowley: “Why not? I should've had it put on the train in the first place. But mistakes can be fixed.”

Aziraphale: “Crowley –”

Crowley: “Don't worry. We have plenty of time.” (he checks his watch, taps its face once; everyone around them, including the gargoyle, freezes in place) “There. Now we just have to wait. This shouldn't take more than a couple hours.” (he taps the face of his watch twice) “Or less.”

(back in London, Newt sits upright, hearing a car suddenly starting up outside the bookshop's back door)

Newt: “Is that what I think it is?”

Anathema: “It better not be someone trying to steal it.”

(Anathema and Newt run to the backdoor, open it, and look where Crowley's car and Newt's car are parked; the Bentley's headlights turn on; the car backs up slightly before speeding down the alley, turning onto the street and out of sight; the car's stereo can be heard playing the song, “Don't Stop Me Now”)

Newt: “What if it isn't Crowley?”

Anathema: “Then he isn't going to be amused. I'd better call him and let him know.”

(they hurry back inside the bookshop and Anathema calls Crowley's mobile number; she gets his voicemail again)

Anathema: “Blast it! Crowley? This is Anathema. Your Bentley just started up – without anyone driving it – and headed away from the bookshop. I do hope it's you controlling it. I'd rather not know if it's someone else.”

(she hangs up the phone)

Anathema: “Of all the times he had to be in Paris. And he doesn't even answer his bloody mobile phone!”

(Newt tries to calm her down)

Newt: “You know – when I was a young lad, I used to have a remote control car.”

Anathema: “It was probably quite a bit smaller than Crowley's Bentley.”

(Newt nods)

Anathema: “Do you think it's worth it to follow the Bentley in your car?”

Newt: “Depends on where it's going. After all, my car can't fly or swim.”

Anathema: “I wonder if Crowley's car can.”

(the car leaves London behind and takes the straightest route to Dover; when it reaches the port, instead of waiting for a ferry, it heads for the nearest beach and – like an automotive Jesus – it rolls onto the water's surface, instead of sinking; the few on the beach watch what just happened, look at each other, and one says, “Maybe I've had a pint too many.” Another says, “Or too much tar in my fags.” “No one will believe this,” the first one says. “So we don't tell them,” the other says.)

Agnes Nutter: “Mr. Shadwell – you might want to come into the living room and see this.”

Shadwell: “What is it, you harlot?”

Agnes: “It's a news report on the telly. A car's been spotted driving across southern England toward Dover. But there's no one behind the wheel.”

(Shadwell joins her and they watch the news report; the video in the report shows the car in question)

Shadwell: “Isn't that Crowley's Bentley? What in the world is it doin' without him behind the wheel? And on the water? Och. Looks like witchcraft to me.”

Agnes: “Not everything that's unusual is witchcraft.”

Shadwell: “Well, you should know. You're a witch yourself.”

Agnes: “And that's why I don't think it's witchcraft. Maybe Crowley just needed it wherever he is.”

Shadwell: “Maybe. But why couldn't he just come back and get it?”

Agnes: “Maybe he couldn't. Want some tea, Mr. Shadwell?”

Shadwell: “Aye. Earl Grey, if you please.”

Agnes: “Coming right up. I think I'm going to have some myself. Want some biscuits too?”

Shadwell: “Just a few.”

(the car “drives” across the English Channel, at wave-top height, sometimes passing around fishing boats and sailboats; “Now I've seen everything,” one fishing boat captain says; “Maybe it's one of those Amphicars from the 1960s,” his first mate says; “Those drive through the water, not across the top of it,” the captain says; “Oh, right,” his first mate says; “Can't tell anyone or they'd think we were daft,” the captain says; “Truth is stranger than fiction,” his first mate says, and they go back to fishing)

(when the car reaches Calais, it drives out of the water and up the beach, reminiscent of the scene in “The Spy Who Loved Me”; the driver-side door even briefly opens and several fish slide out and onto the beach; then the car takes the straightest route to Paris; on the highway, French patrol officers spot the car speeding past without anyone driving it; “Someone must be testing driverless cars,” one officer says; “But aren't those usually one of the modern cars?” his partner asks. “That's a 1920s Bentley. Why would they bother converting that to being driverless?” The first officer shrugs his shoulders. “Better not report it,” he says. “Could you imagine the paperwork? And that's even if they believed us. Wouldn't surprise me at all if they didn't. I wouldn't, if I were them.”)

(the car reaches Paris and heads south, drives across the Seine River on a bridge, and heads for where Crowley, Aziraphale, and the gargoyle are waiting; it pulls up next to them, engine still running; the driver-side door opens; Crowley taps the face of his watch a third time and people around them start moving again, including the gargoyle, who doesn't seem to notice how much time has passed))

(Crowley looks happy to see his Bentley again)

Crowley: “There. That didn't take long.” (Crowley pats the bonnet of his car) “I missed you, babe.” (the car's horn toots, as if to say the feeling is mutual) “Next time I go somewhere outside of London, I'm not leaving you behind. I promise.” (the car's horn toots, as if to say, ready to leave when you are)

(Crowley gets in on the driver's side; Aziraphale gets in on the passenger side)

(the gargoyle doesn't look to sure of the car; there wasn't anything like it back in the 14th Century, after all; or windscreen wipers or motorways, for that matter)

Gargoyle: “I think I'll fly there.”

Crowley: “We'll meet you there, then.”

(the gargoyle flies away; no one seems to notice it, or maybe they thought it was some kind of bird instead)

Crowley: “Was that better, angel?”

Aziraphale: “It's an improvement. I can only imagine the looks your driver-less car received on its way from London to here.”

Crowley: “They've probably seen stranger things. UFOs, crop circles, Elvis working at a fast-food restaurant. That sort of thing. A car driving across the Channel probably wouldn't even make the back page of any of The Guardian.”

Aziraphale: “I wouldn't be so sure. More likely page 3.”

(the Bentley starts up and they head down the street; they turn onto an avenue which takes them toward the Seine River; from here, they can see the cathedral and the island it's located on)

Crowley: “Do I have to keep it under 100 here in Paris?”

Aziraphale: “It wouldn't hurt.”

(Crowley sighs; turns the Bentley right onto a street along the river, heading toward the cathedral)

Crowley: “You do like to take all the fun out of things, angel.”

Aziraphale: “Sometimes our concepts of 'fun' can be as different as crepes and bookshops.”

Crowley: “Keeps things interesting. And I don't have to unchain you and release you from prison.”

Aziraphale: “That was only once.”

Crowley: “And keep you from getting blackmailed during the London Blitz.”

Aziraphale: “Fair enough. And you managed to protect the bag of books, too.”

Crowley: “And Agnes Nutter's book.”

Aziraphale: “See? There's more good in you than you're willing to admit to.”

(Crowley purses his lips, but says nothing)

Aziraphale: “My thanks for saving both items. Even though Anathema later burned the book.”

Crowley: “And the pamphlet.”

Aziraphale: “True. I never thought she would be so opposed to Agnes' prophecies. She seemed so much in favor of them at first.”

Crowley: “People change. Sometimes for the better.”

(Aziraphale smiles at him)

Aziraphale: “Indeed.”

Crowley: “I didn't mean me, angel.”

Aziraphale: “Of course not.”

(they drive onto the island, turn right, and head down toward the cathedral; they can see the top fifty feet or so of a construction crane standing near the rear of the cathedral as well as the top half of the scaffolding rising from where the wooden rooftop used to be; the plaza in front of the cathedral is empty; even under a sunny sky, the cathedral itself looks dark, as if it was dead; the Bentley pulls up to the perimeter fence that stands about fifty feet away from the cathedral's exterior; on the section nearest the three front entrances of the cathedral is a sign for visitors to read; it's in multiple languages)

Crowley: “Temporarily closed. Well, that's disappointing.”

Aziraphale: “Do you think it's because of the repairs to the cathedral's ceiling or because of the virus epidemic?”

Crowley: “Could be for both reasons. That fire caused a considerable amount of damage.”

(Crowley looks around for the gargoyle; the gargoyle arrives soon after, perching itself on top of the fence near the Bentley; Crowley speaks to the gargoyle)

Crowley: “Maybe we should come back in a few years. When the repairs and restoration are finished.”

(the gargoyle looks slightly amused)

Gargoyle: “You're a demon and you're going to let something like a harmless fence get in your way?”

Crowley: “My car can drive on land and across water, but last time I checked, it can't fly.”

Gargoyle: “You really are thick, you know.”

Crowley: “At least my brain is flesh-and-blood instead of a block of stone.”

Aziraphale: “Crowley –”

(Crowley frowns, but finally nods)

Crowley: “I'd rather deal with Hastur as he used to be rather than a gargoyle. At least with Hastur, I knew where things stood. At least I've been used as a messenger. Must be nice being the equivalent of a homing pigeon.”

(the gargoyle frowns at him)

Gargoyle: “Not a homing pigeon.”

Crowley: “Oh? Could've fooled me.”

Aziraphale: “Crowley –”

Crowley: “You don't expect me to make huge changes in just one day, do you?”

Aziraphale: “Why not? We're both used to miracles, large and small.”

(Crowley is about to disagree when another gargoyle flies down and lands next to the first gargoyle)

Second gargoyle: “What's with the delay, Henri? She's waiting, and you know how she doesn't like to be kept waiting.”

Henri (the first gargoyle): “The cathedral is temporarily closed, Charles. They're too scared to risk getting caught breaking in. And all that's in their way is this silly fence.”

Charles (the second gargoyle): “Then we help them get in. Help me lift this part of the fence high enough.”

(the two gargoyles grab onto the top of the fence, spread their wings, and strain as they lift it upward until there's room for the Bentley to pass under it; the Bentley drives under it, and then the gargoyles lower the fence again)

Henri: “Leave your transport here and follow us inside.”

Crowley: “I'm not going to risk getting my car booted and towed.”

Henri: “No one is going to do anything to it, demon.”

Crowley: “I need to park it somewhere where no one else can see it.”

Henri: “What about under the trees on the south side, between the cathedral and the river?”

(there were also houses along that side; Crowley figured that it might be safe to park where the trees were densest, between them and the east side of the nearest house; it wouldn't be easy for someone to see the car here, unless they were on the east side of the house or standing among the trees)

Aziraphale: “That should do. Besides, we won't be away for long. Or will we?”

(the two gargoyles look at each other)

Henri: “That depends on who you're meeting.”

Aziraphale: “And whom might that be?”

Henri: “Lilith.”

(Crowley pauses at the name; he looks at the gargoyles, frowning and shaking his head)

Crowley: “No. Absolutely not. I'm not going anywhere near that sleazy little –”

Aziraphale: “Crowley –”

Crowley: “You don't know her, angel. She works directly for Lucifer. If you thought that Satan was difficult to deal with, you don't even want to deal with her or her boss.” (he turns to the gargoyles) “You go tell her that the meeting is off.”

(the two gargoyles don't look happy, but they fly up to the rooftop of the cathedral and are soon out of sight)

Aziraphale: “She's apparently gone to a lot of trouble to meet with us. Shouldn't we at least listen to what she has to say?”

Crowley: “I thought you wanted a honeymoon in Paris.”

Aziraphale: “I do, but –”

Crowley: “If she has her way, you won't have any honeymoon.” (he sighs) “Maybe it's time to check my voicemail.” (he does so; there are two messages from Anathema; he listens to them) “Might be the best time to call her back; he dials the bookshop's phone number; Anathema's voice answers)

Anathema: “Hullo? A.Z. Fell & Co. Bookshop. What can I do for you?”

Crowley: “It's Crowley. You needed to speak with me urgently?”

Anathema: “Yes, I did. About a visitor to the bookshop. She just left a few minutes ago.”

Crowley: “Anyone I know?”

Anathema: “She said her name was Lilith.”

(Crowley covers the mobile phone's receiver area and looks at Aziraphale)

Crowley: “Persistent little cuss, isn't she?”

Aziraphale: “Anathema – or Lilith?”

Crowley: “Lilith.”

Anathema: “Crowley?”

(Crowley uncovers the mobile phone's receiver area)

Crowley: “What did she want?”

Anathema: “Help finding a book. One of the Books of the Apocrypha.”

Crowley: “Which one?”

Anathema: “ 'The Wisdom of Solomon.' ”

Crowley: “One moment. I need to ask Aziraphale something.”

(Crowley covers the phone again)

Crowley: “Have you heard of the Books of the Apocrypha?”

(Aziraphale nods)

Aziraphale: “I have the full set. Which one is she interested in?”

Crowley: “ 'The Wisdom of Solomon'.”

(Aziraphale's eyebrows rise slightly)

Aziraphale: “May I speak with her?”

(Crowley nods and hands the mobile phone to Aziraphale)

Aziraphale: “She's heard about the ring, I suppose?”

Anathema: “Yes.”

Aziraphale: “And thinks that it might be just enough to tip the control of Hell in favor of herself?”

Anathema: “Not herself. Lucifer.”

(Aziraphale covers the phone)

Aziraphale: “This meeting with Lilith may prove to be more complicated than I thought it would be.”

Crowley: “Let me speak with her again.”

(Aziraphale hands the mobile phone back to Crowley)

Crowley: “She'll probably try again. Lucifer isn't the type to take no for an answer.”

Anathema: “But how do we keep her out of the bookshop? This time she just flowed out of the phone's receiver. What if she decides to use a more direct method? Like attacking the bookshop itself?”

(Crowley covers up the phone)

Crowley: “She got inside the bookshop. Anathema is worried that Lilith might try a more direct route. Like assaulting it.”

Aziraphale: “Let me speak to her again.”

(Crowley hands the mobile phone back to Aziraphale)

Aziraphale: “There is a book of magical defenses in the bookshop. It's on a shelf of the bookcase near the table where we had breakfast yesterday and today. It's called, 'Defending Yourself in a Magical World'.”

Anathema: “I'll find it. Then what?”

Aziraphale: “See which magical defense or defenses would be most effective. Hopefully she won't try to set fire to the bookshop. It's already almost burned down once. I'd rather it didn't happen again.”

Anathema: “Do I need any ingredients for the defenses?”

Aziraphale: “You might. The book will tell you which ones. There's even an index in the back, if you need it. Do be careful, though. Some of the defenses might be stronger than the bookshop could withstand.”

Anathema: “I'll be careful. Thank you, Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale: “You're welcome. Do keep us informed. We'll try to check voicemail at least once an hour.”

Anathema: “Hope you're having fun in Paris.”

Aziraphale: “It's been … interesting. Tell you about it later. Ta-ta.”

(Aziraphale hangs up the mobile phone and gives it back to Crowley)

Aziraphale: “The Chinese have a curse that seems appropriate right now.”

Crowley: “What is it?”

Aziraphale: “ 'May you live in interesting times.' ”

(the gargoyles already flying back down to Aziraphale and Crowley; Crowley looks hopeful)

Crowley: “Did she call the meeting off?”

(Henri shakes his head)

Henri: “It's still on.”

Crowley: “Damn but she's stubborn.”

Aziraphale: “And, of course, you've never been stubborn in all the years we've known each other.”

(Crowley makes a face at Aziraphale)

Crowley: “Is she up on the rooftop?”

(the gargoyles nods)

Aziraphale: “I believe there are stairs inside both the north and south towers. At least there were on the day when they celebrated the completion of the cathedral in the 14th Century. I hope they haven't been blocked off since then.”

(no one sees them enter the cathedral via the right-hand front entrance; from inside, it's mostly dark; they can't quite see down to the far end; chairs are still set up on the floor, as if for the next Mass; the ceiling is covered by a very large tarpaulin, which blocks out both sunlight and rain; the tarpaulin also hides the scaffolding from view; the only people they can see are priests and repair personnel)

(they climb the stairway inside the south tower; there's a doorway at the level about ten or so feet below where the ceiling used to be; there's a second doorway further up the stairway, at the rooftop level; they exit through the second doorway; here there are fewer people; mostly too far away to notice the trio; they have a much better view of both the scaffolding and the construction crane; the only people on the rooftop are repair personnel, who are too busy to notice the two gargoyles, Crowley, and Aziraphale)

Crowley: “All right. We're here. Now what?”

Gargoyle: “She's on her way here.”

(the gargoyle points up above them, at a hawk; the hawk dives down toward them, slowing enough to allow for a gentle landing; the hawk turns into what looks like a female human; it's Lilith)

Lilith: “Greetings, Crawley. It's been a long time.”

(Crowley makes a face)

Crowley: “Not long enough. And it's Crowley now instead of Crawley.”

Lilith: “What was wrong with Crawley?”

Crowley: “I wasn't interested in being reminded that I used to be a snake.”

(Lilith casually looks at the rings on their ring-fingers)

Lilith: “I guess that's not the only major change in your life. So – married finally?”

(Crowley and Aziraphale nod)

Lilith: “I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Six thousand years and you finally decide to tie the knot. What took you so long?”

Aziraphale: “Procrastination mostly. After all, hereditary enemies shouldn't fraternize.”

Crowley: “Except that we did. Repeatedly.”

(Lilith looks at Aziraphale)

Lilith: “We haven't been introduced. You are?”

Aziraphale: “Aziraphale. I used to be the Angel of the Eastern Gate of the Garden of Eden. Now I run a bookshop in London.”

Lilith: “The one I called earlier today. Congratulations to you both.” (she looks at the two gargoyles) “Henri – Charles. My thanks for delivering them. You may go.” (the gargoyles nod and fly back to their perches and turn back into stone)

Aziraphale: “We heard that you needed help. And a certain pair of items.”

Lilith: “A book and a ring, yes. And you probably know where they are.”

Aziraphale: “They were hidden for a very good reason: To keep people like you and your boss from finding them and misusing them. Why should I let you get your hands on them now?”

Lilith: “Things in Hell are still in a state of flux.”

Crowley: “That's putting it mildly. Take away the iron fist at the top – even if only temporarily – and what's underneath has a tendency to fall apart. Rather like Yugoslavia after Tito died.”

Lilith: “Yesterday's trial couldn't have come at a worse time.”

Aziraphale: “I'm not sure that there was any better time. After all, we were the focus of it.”

Crowley: “What's the problem? I assume that there's a problem or you wouldn't have needed to speak with us. This isn't exactly the most convenient of locations.”

Lilith: “I serve Lucifer in two capacities. Administrative, such as right now. And, in private, as his concubine. Normally, there would be no reason for me to step outside of Hell. But things being the way they are now …”

Aziraphale: “You volunteered to be Lucifer's liaison.”

(Lilith nods)

Lilith: “He's not exactly pleased with the changes that are taking place in Hell. The three factions sharing power and control after thousands of years of Lucifer being in charge, with Satan as his second-in-command, for one thing. The regrowth of fields and woods, for another. He's been able to keep his area around the Throne green-free so far. Also, he's been in near-constant discussions and negotiations. It's keeping his hierarchy busy, to say the least. And in ways that they aren't all that familiar with.”

(Crowley sighs)

Crowley: “I'm already familiar with it.”

Aziraphale: “But I'm not. I've only been there once – when we switched bodies. Not much of a view of Hell from a bathtub filled with Holy Water.”

Crowley: “You haven't missed much.”

Aziraphale: “Apparently I have, if Lilith is telling us the truth.”

Lilith: “If you want proof, perhaps a change of locale would help.”

(before they can back away, Lilith grabs their hands and suddenly they're standing on the observation deck near the top of the Eiffel Tower; she lets go of them; they're the only ones there, but there's a lift ascending and it's already halfway up; there's a tall fence around the edge of the observation deck)

Crowley: “This was a waste of time. You could've explained it to us back at the cathedral.”

Lilith: “More privacy here.”

Crowley: “And why would you need that? Lies thrive on darkness and secrecy.”

Lilith: “Unless you haven't noticed, we're in the sunlight here.” (she sighs) “I'm not really how much more vulnerable I can make myself in order to convince you that this isn't a trick or a trap.”

(Crowley frowns and takes a step toward her)

(it's the closest to angry that Aziraphale has been in a long time)

Aziraphale: “Crowley! You're not letting her defend herself.”

Crowley: “If you want to risk trusting her, be my guest. But don't expect me to do the same. I've had experience with her ilk before.”

(Crowley moves closer to Lilith; she backs up a bit, to increase the space – limited as it is by the size of the observation deck – between them, then circles around to Crowley's left)

Lilith: “Changing your name hasn't changed you one bit, Crowley. Still as distrustful as ever.”

Crowley: “I've spent enough time in Hell. Outside of the Resistance, I haven't exactly seen or heard much that makes me think things are different there.”

(the lift is almost at the observation deck; but its doors open in the opposite direction from where the trio are; if anyone is inside the lift, they won't see the trio at first, unless they turn around and look behind the lift; the lift closes its doors and descends)

Lilith: “What proof would convince you of my sincerity?”

Crowley: “Something I can trust.”

(Aziraphale places himself between Lilith and Crowley)

Aziraphale: “Crowley, stop it. You acting like a child. I honestly thought that you'd changed for the better since we got married this morning. Now I'm not so sure.”

Crowley: “You're the angel, Aziraphale. I'm the demon.”

Aziraphale: “A fallen angel.”

Crowley: “Demon.”

Aziraphale: “If you hurt her, I will never speak to you again, much less see you again.” (he acts as if he's going to remove the two rings from his right ring-finer and throw them off of the observation deck; but his eyes are on Crowley)

(Crowley looks angrily at Aziraphale)

Crowley: “You're a fool, angel.”

Aziraphale: “Maybe I am. But I'd rather be a fool than an idiot.”

Crowley: “Angel –”

Aziraphale: “Blast it! Why can't you just give her a chance? She wanted to speak with us. So listen to her.”

(Crowley backs down, but only very slightly)

Crowley: “All right.” (he turns to Lilith) “Talk, Lilith. No lies.”

Lilith: “I didn't bring you here to lie to you. I wanted to propose an alliance. Something that will benefit us both.”

(Crowley shakes his head)

Crowley: “I'm not going back to Hell for any reason, no matter good it might be. I already have what I want here on Earth.” (Or at least I did, Crowley thinks; this marriage to Aziraphale could prove to be shorter than the shortest Hollywood marriage if we're not careful.)

Lilith: “I wasn't going to ask you to return with me.”

(Crowley moves around Aziraphale and faces Lilith directly; she backs up, whether instinctively or intentionally is difficult to tell)

Lilith: “Don't.”

(Aziraphale grabs Crowley by the collar and unsuccessfully tries to pull him away from Lilith)

Aziraphale: “Crowley, please.”

Crowley: “You don't know her like I do, angel.”

Aziraphale: “Maybe I don't, but I do know you. You wouldn't hurt her.”

Crowley: “Not without good reason, no.”

Aziraphale: “Then give her a chance to explain further.”

Crowley: “Fine.” (he tries to calm himself) “You've won a reprieve, Lilith, courtesy of Aziraphale. But don't throw it away by wasting my time. You and I have never been friends, and patience has never been one of my better qualities. Whether with people or with houseplants. Have I made myself clear?”

(Lilith nods)

Lilith: “You have.”

Crowley: “Good. Now explain what this – potential – alliance would entail.”

(a mother and her daughter move over to this side of the observation deck, but they're looking outward, at the view of Paris spread out below them and toward the horizon in all directions; the mother points at something and talks about it with her daughter)

(Lilith lowers her voice and speaks more euphemistically; just loud enough for Crowley and Aziraphale, but not for the mother and daughter)

Lilith: “I'm not here on official business. In fact, my boss doesn't know I'm here.”

(that surprises Crowley)

Crowley: “Oh?”

(Lilith nods)

Crowley: “Snuck off without telling him where you were going. Naughty, naughty. He won't like that. Not one bit.”

Lilith: “I know. He's probably angry.”

Crowley: “Smashing whatever is within his reach. You think my temper is bad? His is even worse. And there's no way for me to protect you from him. You want asylum? I'd contact the Metatron, if I were you. Assuming, of course, that he'll listen to you.”

(Lilith nods again)

Lilith: “But it gets worse.”

(Crowley looks suspicious)

Crowley: “How much worse?”

Lilith: “He wants a ring.”

(Crowley and Aziraphale look at each other; the ring is the one that Anathema mentioned during the phone call between Paris and the London; Crowley momentarily decides to play innocent)

Crowley: “Just any ring?”

(Lilith shakes her head)

Lilith: “It's the one that used to belong to Solomon. It's hidden in 'The Wisdom of Solomon'. One of the Books of the Apocrypha.”

Aziraphale: “I think I can see why he'd want to get his hands on it. It would be powerful enough to help your … boss … regain control of his realm.”

(Lilith nods)

Lilith: “And maybe I could use it.”

Crowley: “As what? To usurp Lucifer's position and take over Hell yourself?”

(Lilith shakes her head)

Lilith: “As a bargaining chip. Give him the ring in exchange for something I want.”

Aziraphale: “But if he gets the ring, why would he honor the rest of the agreement? As Crowley said, this is the Prince of Lies we're talking about.”

(Lilith looks unhappy)

Lilith: “I know.”

Crowley: “And what would you want from your … boss … in exchange for this ring?”

Lilith: “A divorce.”

(it isn't the answer they were expecting to hear; Crowley and Aziraphale try not to stare at her)

Crowley: “You're a concubine, not his wife. Why would you need a divorce from him?”

Lilith: “Becoming Lucifer's concubine meant accepting certain … restrictions.”

Crowley: “What sort of restrictions?”

Lilith: “Swearing that I wouldn't do what I'm doing now, for instance.”

Aziraphale: “Ah. So you want to be released from your concubine contract with Lucifer. Not technically a divorce.”

(Lilith nods)

Crowley: “What if he isn't willing to cancel it and let go of you?”

Lilith: “That's where the ring comes in. It might be enough to convince him to change his mind.”

Crowley: “And in return for it you think he'll let you out of your contract? Without any strings attached?”

Lilith: “He might … if he had no other choice.”

(Crowley sighs and shakes his head)

Crowley: “Not if I know Lucifer. He might just turn around and hold onto both the ring and you.”

(Lilith looks desperately at both demon and angel)

Lilith: “Please help me. I don't know who else to turn to.”

Crowley: “I don't see how we can help you. Your … boss … is more powerful than Aziraphale and myself combined. Far more powerful.”

Aziraphale: “Crowley – she could contact the Metatron and see whether my people or the Voice of God would be willing to help. They might be willing to listen to me, if not to her.”

(the mother and her daughter move along the fence along the edge of the observation deck; just to be safe, Crowley, Aziraphale, and Lilith move over to the other half of the observation deck)

Crowley: “And in the meantime?”

Aziraphale: “We'd have to hide her.”

Crowley: “But there are only two places available. Your bookshop in Soho and my apartment in Mayfair.”

Aziraphale: “If you're opposed to having her at your place, she could hide in my bookshop.” (But would Anathema mind? Aziraphale wonders. What was that old warning about trouble? Oh, yes. Two women under one roof. A bit antiquated, but perhaps not entirely irrelevant even in this day and age.) “After all, there is still another guest room upstairs that she could stay in. And if the magical defenses are already in place, it would keep out all but the most persistent types.”

(Lilith interrupts)

Lilith: “That alliance I mentioned. If you were able to help me, I could help you.”

(Crowley turns to her)

Crowley: “With what?”

Lilith: “Your marriage.”

Crowley: “What would a concubine possibly know about marriage?”

Lilith: “I never said I wasn't married before I met Lucifer.”

(Crowley goes back in his long memory to when he stood on top of the wall that surrounded the Garden of Eden, next to Aziraphale)

Crowley: “You mean Adam. The original one.”

(Lilith nods)

Aziraphale: “But you weren't married to him. The Bible says so.”

Lilith: “The Bible isn't entirely accurate. It was written by mortal men, after all. And mortal men make mistakes. The Bible said I seduced Adam. Not quite correct. It was more like a love triangle. Eve and I both wanted Adam, and neither of us was willing to back off in favor of the other. I had to think of a way to get Eve away from him.”

Crowley: “It wasn't enough that I'd been sent to the Garden to cause trouble. I also had to do your dirty work.”

(Lilith nods and Crowley makes a face in return)

Crowley: “Eve would never have touched any of the fruit on the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil if it weren't for me. She was smart. Only a temptation would've convinced her to do something stupid. And I tempted her. Told her that eating the fruit of that tree wouldn't cause her any problems. She should've known better, but she trusted me – and grabbed one of the apples and bit into it. That might've been enough to get Adam away from Eve, but then Eve told Adam what I'd told her, and – believing that she wouldn't lie to him – he bit into the apple.”

Aziraphale: “And that was that. They were exiled from the Garden after God saw that they had covered up their bodies. Not only that, but Eve was pregnant. I saw them at the gateway to the desert outside. That was where I gave Adam my Flaming Sword. I figured it would protect them against predators until at least their first child was born. So you see, Crowley, I didn't lose the Sword. As I told you back then, I gave it away. For what I thought was a good reason. And I still think it was a good one.”

Crowley: “I haven't forgotten, angel.” (he sighs) “You do have the unfortunate ability to put people in uncomfortable – and sometimes painful – positions, Lilith. What do you think we are – contortionists or pretzels?”

Lilith: “I would apologize, Crowley – but you haven't apologized either.”

Crowley: “For what? Trying to avoid you?”

Lilith: “I helped you – a long time ago – before you met Aziraphale. It was when you first arrived in Hell after falling from Heaven. Remember?”

(Crowley nods; for anyone looking up, he must've looked like a shooting star, falling from the sky; the fall from Heaven had felt like forever, but it wasn't; he'd landed in Hell, having missed the first three Circles; if he had missed the edge of the Fourth Circle, he would've kept falling, possibly all the way down to the Ninth Circle where the Throne of Hell was)

Crowley: “Good thing I wasn't a snowball or I would've melted long before I landed. The welcome, though, wasn't exactly what I'd call friendly.”

Lilith: “If you wanted a friendly welcome, you should've stayed in Heaven.”

Crowley: “I didn't have much of an option. When Gabriel grabs you by the arm and leg and hurls you out of Heaven, there's really only one direction to go in: down.”

Lilith: “It could've been worse. You could've landed in the Lake of Fire. As it was, you landed on soft ground.”

Crowley: “I wouldn't call hardened magma or lava 'soft'. And then getting hit repeatedly by rocks thrown by a group of demons.”

Lilith: “They weren't demons. Those were sinners. They were part of the reception committee. Satan's idea.”

Crowley: “I should've known.”

Lilith: “I didn't normally leave the Ninth Circle, but my … boss … said that a special guest would be arriving and that I might want to meet them.”

Crowley: “And I was the special guest.”

(Lilith nods)

Lilith: “I made sure to be there when the next group of fallen souls arrived. You were among them. I remember seeing you trying to block the rocks from hitting you. Once your initiation ended, you stood there, wiping the smoke, dust, and ash off of your clothes. Your hair was partly on fire, but you put it out before it could spread. You looked around and that was when you saw me. 'Raphael, I presume?' I asked. You nodded. 'You won't be able to keep that name here in Hell,' I went on. 'You'll have to choose a new name. But not to worry. You'll have plenty of time to think of one.' 'Who are you?' you asked. 'A fallen angel like me? Or a lost soul?' I shook my head. 'I serve Lucifer,' I said. 'He said to meet you here.' ”

Crowley: “I asked if there was any particular reason. From what little I'd already seen and heard, it didn't seem like Hell treated any of the arrivals differently from the rest. 'Orientation is next,' you said, and led me to a nearby group of buildings. We went inside one of them, down a hall, and into a large room with tiers rising away from the front of the room. The chairs on the tiers all looked broken. Maybe one of Hell's jokes. After all, why make new arrivals comfortable? It's Hell, not Heaven. 'The rest of the group will be here soon,' you said. 'I didn't know that Hell was so organized,' I said. 'Is it like this in Heaven?' you asked. 'I didn't have to go through Orientation,' I said. 'I was one of the first group of angels. It included Lucifer and Satan back then.' 'How trusting,' you said. 'That would never happen here in Hell. We've all had to go through Orientation.' 'All of you?' I asked. 'Except for Lucifer and Satan, of course,' you replied.”

Lilith: “The rest of the arrival group entered. They picked the least damaged chairs to sit in. Once everyone was there, the Orientation Processing Specialist entered and stood in front of the group. 'Welcome to Hell,' the specialist said. 'My name is Azazel. You're new here so this orientation was specifically designed to get you acquainted with wherever everything is and how we do things here. If you have any questions right now, wait until afterward. I'll answer all your questions at that time. Once you leave Orientation, don't expect anything resembling politeness. This is Hell and we do things our way. Ours, not Earth's, not Heaven's. Understood? Good. You are currently in a lecture hall in the only university in Hell.' The specialist was interrupted by nearby screams of pain. 'One moment,' the specialist said. 'I'll be right back.' He left the room. The screaming stopped soon after. Then the specialist returned. 'One of our newest instructors needed to be shown how to handle an uncooperative student,' the specialist explained. Then he saw me. 'You aren't part of this group,' he told me. 'I'm here with the fallen angel beside me,' I said. 'Special assignment. With Lucifer's approval. I'll be personally responsible in case of any misbehavior.' At the mention of Lucifer, the specialist's eyes widened briefly. Whoever I was, I wasn't to be trifled with, or it would be reported directly to Lucifer. He quickly nodded and turned back to the rest of the group. He went on to explain the rules – probably far fewer than there are in Heaven – and what rights we had – none, unless we were promoted to demon, and even then with only limited rights – where we were permitted to go and where we weren't. And what punishments they could expect for misbehavior, including any mention of angels and Heaven. With that, the rest of Orientation was question-and-answer. I don't remember you asking more than a few questions.”

Crowley: “Not much to ask about that the specialist didn't talk about. I figured I had plenty of time to fill in my gaps of knowledge. But I didn't get much time to do so. It wasn't more than a few days before I was informed that I was being given a special assignment. I was going to be sent to Earth – specifically to the Garden of Eden – to cause whatever trouble I could.”

Lilith: “You had potential. That was obvious when we first met. Unlike most of the angels, demons, and devils, you had something that wasn't usually found in denizens of Heaven or Hell: imagination. Which could be useful when it came time to cause trouble. You wouldn't need in-depth instructions. Just 'go there and do whatever you can to mess things up'.”

Aziraphale: “But then you and I met.”

Crowley: “I remember saying, 'Well, that went down like a lead balloon.' And then having to repeat it and explain why I'd said it. You didn't know as much back then as you do now.”

Aziraphale: “But I knew enough and had enough empathy to get myself into trouble.”

Crowley: “You tried to do something nice and got punished. I caused trouble and nothing bad happened to me. Doesn't seem quite fair, does it?”

(Aziraphale shakes his head)

(Lilith sighs)

Lilith: “If I might continue? Or is there another long digression first?”

(Aziraphale and Crowley shake their heads)

Lilith: “Good. Ever wonder why you weren't recalled back to Hell, Crowley?”

Crowley: “Not really. I was following orders. Wherever I happened to be, cause trouble. Sometimes just a quick temptation, but whatever I could do.”

Lilith: “You didn't see or hear what was happening in Hell while you were on Earth. You probably wouldn't believe the discussions – and sometimes outright arguments and yelling – that took place. Lucifer wanted you recalled and another demon sent to Earth. Satan thought you were doing just fine. And there were various other opinions, rarely in agreement with one another. I suggested that it might be more beneficial if you stayed on Earth.”

(Crowley warily glances at her)

Crowley: “Why would you defend me? Enemies don't defend one another.”

Lilith: “Because – correct me if I'm wrong – you were happier on Earth than you were in Hell.”

Crowley: “Why should that matter? If I don't follow instructions, it hardly makes sense to turn a blind eye to it.”

Lilith: “I confess a lie.”

(Crowley rolls his eyes)

Crowley: “Why doesn't that surprise me?”

Lilith: “This is the second time I've been to Earth. I was here a long time ago. Not in Paris, but in London. It was right around the time that Aziraphale's bookshop first opened. I was standing outside, looking through the windows in the door. You were arguing with each other. But when you stopped arguing, I didn't see anger. I saw something else. Something I would never have seen in Hell.”

Aziraphale: “Love.”

(Lilith nods)

Lilith: “Not so much spoken, as shown. In the eyes, in facial expressions, body language. I was tempted to ooze my body through the front door lock's opening and get a better look. But then you both walked toward the front door. I backed off and around the corner. 'If you'd rather, you don't have to be involved with my bookshop at all,' you said, Aziraphale. 'No one is forcing you to. I just want somewhere where I feel comfortable. With plenty of books around me. Where's the harm in that?' You, Crowley, said, 'None, I suppose. It's one thing to spend time with humans, but a bookshop? An entire bookshop?' 'You aren't going to tell any of your superiors, are you?' you asked, Aziraphale. 'I don't see why,' you said, Crowley. 'Are you going to tell yours?' You shook your head, Aziraphale. 'Best we keep this secret from yours and mine,' you said, Aziraphale. 'You'll help me hide it from them?' 'Do my best, angel,' you said, Crowley. You sighed, Aziraphale, and said, 'If only you were still an angel.' 'Not interested,' you said, Crowley. 'If the day comes when I decide it might be best to become an angel again, you'll be the first to know. Have to go. Overdo for a temptation in Whitehall.' 'Be careful, Crowley,' you said, Aziraphale. 'I'm always careful, angel,' you said, Crowley, and left, joining the flow of pedestrians on the sidewalk, heading away from the bookshop. I saw the look in your eyes, Aziraphale. Not quite the same expression as on your face, Crowley. There was something there, something more than just acquaintance, more than just friendship.' ”

Crowley: “How this is pertinent to your discussion about marriage advice?”

Lilith: “I went inside the bookshop. I didn't tell Aziraphale who I was, but he could probably sense that I was neither human nor an angel.”

Aziraphale: “I hadn't seen an aura like yours since the first time Crowley and I met. His aura back then was like yours was and yours still is. Dark red. Like a sunset sky right before the sun drops below the horizon.”

Lilith: “I said I was looking for a book. A book about marriage guidance.”

Aziraphale: “And I said that I normally didn't carry such books. But there might be one copy. It was mis-shelved for some reason, but eventually I found it. 'Marriage Guidance: How to Keep Your Marriage Intact'.”

Lilith: “You sold it to me and I still have it.” (she brings her hands together, palms touching; then separates her hands to a distance of several inches; as she does so, a book appears between them) “Would you like to have it back?”

(Aziraphale shakes his head) 

Aziraphale: “But perhaps Crowley might make use of its contents.”

(Lilith offers the book to Crowley)

Lilith: “As part of our agreement, the basis for our alliance.”

(Crowley eyes the book with misgiving)

Aziraphale: “Just take it, Crowley. It won't burn your hands.”

(Crowley accepts the book from Lilith)

Aziraphale: “After all, it could make you more like you used to be, Crowley.”

(Crowley makes a face at him)

Crowley: “Maybe I don't want to go back to being that person. Maybe I want to stay who I am right now.”

Aziraphale: “Why not give it a chance? And, at worst, you can just go back to who you are now.”

Crowley: “Seriously – why do you want me to do this, angel?”

(Aziraphale sighs)

Aziraphale: “Because I fell in love with my best friend. I finally married him. And now I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Preferably as happily as possible.”

Crowley: “And you think this book will iron out any creases that might occur?”

(Aziraphale nods)

Aziraphale: “Crowley – if for no other reason, do it for me. Do it for us.” (he looks hopefully at Crowley) “Please?”

(Crowley sighs)

Crowley: “All right. But no promises.”

(Aziraphale smiles)

Aziraphale: “Excellent.”

Crowley: “But there's one problem.”

Aziraphale: “There is?”

Crowley: “We're in Paris, not London. On our honeymoon.”

Aziraphale: “We don't necessarily have to continue it here. We could continue it back in England. There are plenty of places to visit in England. Dartmoor. Yorkshire. Wales. Brighton. Or we could go to Ireland, if you prefer.”

Crowley: “And you wouldn't mind?”

(Aziraphale shakes his head)

Aziraphale: “We'll be together. That's far more important to me than where we are.”

Crowley: “Back to England, then.”


	5. Chapter 5

(Adam and Oreia arrive outside Pepper's family's house; they get off their bikes, lay the bikes on the sidewalk; then walk up to the front porch)

Adam: “Dog – you have to stay outside this time. Pepper's mother is allergic to furred animals.”

(Dog doesn't look happy to hear it; he barks, hoping that Adam will let him come inside with them)

Adam: “I mean it. We have to be careful. But we won't be here for long. At least I don't think so.” (Dog gives up and nods, and sits down on the front porch; Adam turns to Oreia) “You're sure about this?”

(Oreia nods)

Oreia: “I'm sure.”

(Adam takes a deep breath, lets it out, then knocks on the front door; it's opened less than a minute later; Pepper's mother stands there)

Pepper's mum: “Why hullo, Adam. You haven't been over here in awhile.”

(Adam looks uncomfortable)

Adam: “Yes, I know.”

Pepper's mum: “And who is this?”

Adam: “This is my friend, Oreia. She and her parents are originally from Greece.”

Pepper's mum: “Oh, how fascinating! Are you enjoying living in England?”

(Oreia nods)

Oreia: “So far it's been just fine.”

Pepper's mum: “Glad to hear it. So – what brings you here?”

Adam: “Um. I was wonder if Pepper was home?”

Pepper's mum: “She is. She's upstairs in her bedroom. I'll go get her. Would you both like to wait in the living room?”

(Adam and Oreia nod; they follow Pepper's mum inside; Pepper's mum shuts the door behind them; Pepper's mum goes to the stairs, climbs about halfway up, and calls the rest of the way)

Pepper's mum: “Pepper? You have guests downstairs.”

(no answer; Pepper's mum goes to Pepper's bedroom door and knocks)

Pepper's mum: “Pepper? Is everything okay? I said that you had guests downstairs. One of them is your friend Adam.”

(there's a pause, and then the bedroom door opens)

Pepper: “Is he alone?”

(Pepper's mum shakes her head)

Pepper: “Tell him I'm not feeling well.”

Pepper's mum: “Sweetie – what's wrong? I thought you liked Adam.”

Pepper: “I did.”

Pepper's mum: “But not anymore?”

Pepper: “I prefer to be with Brian.”

Pepper's mum: “At least come downstairs and say 'hullo'.”

(Pepper doesn't look like she wants to, but finally nods and follows her mum down the stairs; they reach the living room)

Adam: “Hullo, Pepper.”

Pepper: “Hullo, Adam.”

Adam: “This is Oreia. Her family migrated from Greece.”

Oreia: “It's nice to meet you, Pepper. I've heard so much about you.”

(Pepper doesn't look convinced)

Pepper: “Nothing bad, I hope.”

(Oreia shakes her head; Pepper's mum politely leaves them in the living room and goes to the kitchen, where it sounds like she's making something or cooking something; Oreia wonders if maybe this was a mistake, coming here; Pepper doesn't look happy, and Adam isn't exactly happy either)

Oreia: “I thought maybe if we talked, we could make things better.”

Pepper: “Talk about what?”

Oreia: “Adam – if you would – I'm not sure if I can handle this all on my own –”

(Adam decides to go for it)

Adam: “She thought that maybe I'd done something to make you mad at me.”

Pepper: “Maybe she's right.”

Adam: “I haven't had much experience with girls. Dating them, I mean. And it's possible that I've done something wrong without meaning to. I don't want to hurt your feelings.”

(Pepper relaxes a little)

Pepper: “I thought you were ignoring me because you wanted to be with Oreia.”

Adam: “I thought you didn't want to be with me because you were dating Brian.”

(Pepper's eyes widen, and then she laughs softly)

Pepper: “Dating him? Hardly. We do hang out together more than we used to. But I wouldn't call that dating. Don't get me wrong. He's very nice. He just isn't – well – you know –”

Oreia: “Like someone else you know.”

(Pepper nods; her mum returns from the kitchen with a jug of ice-cold lemonade and several glasses)

Pepper's mum: “I thought maybe you'd like some lemonade. You could go out and sit in the gazebo in the backyard. After all, it's a sunny day and –”

(rumble of thunder can be heard; daylight outside darkens; grey clouds gather seemingly out of nowhere)

Pepper's mum: “Or maybe not.” (flashes of light every so often; then rain falls) “How odd. It didn't seem that humid out there an hour ago.”

Pepper: “There's enough shelter on the back porch, Mum.”

(Pepper's mum nods; they relocate to the table on the back porch; through the screen-covered walls, they can see the rain fall; Pepper's mum places the jug of lemonade and the glasses on the table; she serves the lemonade)

Pepper: “Reminds me of that Saturday a few years ago.”

Pepper's mum: “The Saturday with all that strange weather?”

(Pepper nods)

Pepper's mum: “What a day that was! A small tornado was even reported touching down here in Tadfield. If I were superstitious, I would've thought that the world was ending. But then, a few hours later, everything cleared up. I don't think we've ever had a day like it since.”

Pepper: “We decided to bike ride down to the airbase. Probably not the best weather to bike in.”

Pepper's mum: “I should say not. What if your bikes had been hit by a lightning bolt? What made you want to go see the airbase anyway?”

Adam: “Just curiosity, really. I had some other friends who were planning to be there as well. So we had a sort of picnic get-together. And then my dad arrived, wondering what in the world was going on. I probably didn't explain it too well. I narrowly avoided getting grounded after we followed my dad's car back home.”

Pepper's mum: “And you haven't been back there since?”

(Adam and Pepper shook their heads; Pepper's mum gives them a long look)

Pepper's mum: “Is that the truth?”

(Adam and Pepper nod)

Pepper's mum: “It's not a place I'd think was safe for children anyway. A demilitarized airbase. The American soldiers there probably weren't too happy to see you there, even if you stayed away from the gates. They're there to guard it from threats. Not to deal with children, however well-behaved those children might be.”

Adam: “It was all right. There wasn't any harm done.”

Pepper's mum: “You're sure about that?”

(Adam nods; he turns to Pepper)

Adam: “If you want to, you can go biking with us.”

Pepper's mum: “In this weather?”

(but the rain is gone now; the grey clouds replaced by scattered why clouds floating across a blue sky)

Pepper's mum: “Maybe I should write a research report about the weather in the Tadfield area. I'm not sure anyone would believe me, though.”

(Pepper and Oreia look at each other; Oreia nods encouragingly)

Pepper: “All right. Let me go get my bike. I'll meet you out front.”

Pepper's mum: “Make sure Pepper is back here by dinnertime.”

(Adam and Oreia nod)

Pepper's mum: “Have fun. Be safe.”

Adam: “We will.”

(They go out the front door, onto the front porch, and then to the front yard; Dog gets to his feet, happily barking; Pepper comes around the side of the house, walking her bike towards them)

Pepper: “Kind of like old times. Only Brian isn't with us.”

Oreia: “Do you want him to be?”

(Pepper thinks about it and shakes her head)

Pepper: “No. I guess it's okay this time. I can always see him tomorrow. So – where are we going?”

(Adam and Oreia look at each other; Oreia inclines her head toward Pepper; Adam nods agreement)

Adam: “Wherever you want to go, Pepper. You lead the way; we'll follow.”

(Pepper looks thoughtful, gets on her bike, points down the street, and then rides away; Adam and Oreia follow her closely on their bikes; Dog runs beside them)

Adam: “Where are we going?”

Pepper: “Remember where we used to play in the woods?”

(Adam nods)

Adam: “What about it?”

Pepper: “I found something there. Yesterday. While you were – wherever you were.”

Adam: “Glastonbury.”

(Pepper stares at him)

Pepper: “What in the world were you doing there?”

Adam: “Long story.”

Pepper: “Can you tell me about it sometime?”

(Adam nods)

Adam: “Just not right now. What did you find?”

Pepper: “It should still be there.”

(they reach the woods, then get off their bikes and walk their bikes down a path through the woods; there in the woods is the “throne” that Adam used to sit on, pretending he was king or someone else in charge; they lay their bikes against the “throne”; Pepper lifts the seat of the “throne” and takes something out of the storage area under the seat; it's a book; Pepper shows it to them)

Pepper: “This. This is what I found.”

(Adam looks at the title on the book's front cover)

Adam: “ 'The Wisdom of Solomon'. But what's it doing here?”

Pepper: “I don't know.” (she opens the front cover and shows them the inside cover) “ 'There is much that is hidden from the world. I too have hidden something. It lies within this book.' What does that mean?”

Adam: “I don't know. How can you hide something in a book? Pages are flat, the covers are flat. Maybe whatever it is is also flat?”

(Adam holds the book by its spine and gives it a good shake; something falls out of it and onto the ground; he reaches down and picks it up)

Adam: “A ring?”

Oreia: “I think I've heard of this. It was a legend in Greece, brought there by traders from Palestine. My mother told me about it when I was a little girl.”

Adam: “Apparently it isn't just a story.”

Pepper: “Should we tell my mother?”

Adam: “I'm not sure she'd know what to do with it. We need to contact someone who might know.”

Pepper: “But who?”

Adam: “I can think of two people: Aziraphale (he owns a bookshop in London) and Anathema (she's a witch; she lives here in Tadfield).”

Pepper: “Is Anathema at her house right now?”

Adam: “She might be. She could've gone back home after going back to the bookshop in London yesterday afternoon.”

Oreia: “Do you know where her house is?”

(Adam and Pepper nod)

Adam: “We went there a few years ago. After we rescued her friend Newt from his car after it flipped over. Anathema said she'd been expecting us.”

Pepper: “Do you think she's expecting us this time?”

Adam: “I don't know.”

Oreia: “I think we should go to her house and ask her about to do with this book and ring.”

Adam: “Let's hope she's there, then.”

(the trio rides to Anathema's house; Pepper knocks on the door; no answer; she knocks again; no answer again)

Pepper: “What do we do? We can't break in. That's against the law.”

(Adam uses his shoulder to push against the door; it opens inward slightly; he pushes a little harder and it opens further)

Adam: “We don't have to. She must've accidentally left it unlocked.”

(they go inside)

Adam: “Anathema? It's Adam and two friends! Are you home?”

(no answer)

(they check all the rooms inside the house; there's no sign of Anathema; they meet in the kitchen; there's a phone on the kitchen counter near them)

Adam: “Maybe we should call the bookshop.”

Pepper: “You think she's there?”

Adam: “Might be, since she isn't here.”

(Adam dials the bookshop's phone number; Anathema answers)

Anathema: “Hullo? A.Z. Fell & Co. Bookshop. How can I help you?”

Adam: “Anathema? It's Adam.”

Anathema: “This isn't really a good time to call. I'm looking for a book. Aziraphale said he had the full set of the Books of the Apocrypha. But the volume I'm looking for is missing.”

Adam: “What's it called?”

Anathema: “ 'The Wisdom of Solomon'.”

Adam: “I know why you can't find it.”

Anathema: “Why?”

Adam: “Because I have it. Pepper found it in the woods yesterday.”

Anathema: “Where are you?”

Adam: “In the kitchen at your house in Tadfield.”

Anathema: “Just a moment.”

(the phone is covered by Anathema for a few moments, and then uncovered again)

Anathema: “Stay there. I'm sending Newt there to get the book from you. Don't let anyone inside my house. No one. Okay?”

(Adam speaks to Pepper)

Adam: “Pepper – close the front door and lock it.”

Pepper: “Is something wrong?”

Adam: “Please do it?”

(Pepper sighs, then nods and does it)

Adam: “Pepper's locking the front door. We won't let anyone in except Newt.”

Anathema: “Good. You should be safe there. For the time being, anyway.”


End file.
